Saturday, May 17, 2008

special needs siblings

Energy medicine experts often say that fibroids are related to pent up anger and emotional trauma -- old stuff that is not being let go of.

I identified that one set of issues for me were things relating to growing up with a sister with cerebral palsy. This changed the dynamics of our family, forcing me to be preternaturally mature, and at the same time to be starved for attention.

As part of the fibroid healing process, I decided to look at this issue more closely and try to heal it. I used two books, one called The Normal Oneand another called Being the Other One: Growing Up with A Brother or Sister who has Special Needs.

I had mentioned these in a previous post, but am now done working with them. Thought I would share my thoughts on them for others who might have this similar thing in their lives. And for those who don't perhaps my approach to healing on this issue might be a useful one to apply to other issues you are facing.

Yesterday I was reading an article about business books, that said for the businessperson that a book is that nice happy medium between "I need to hire a consultant" and "I don't know anything about this topic." A book gives you a lot of information for $20 or less, and if you apply what's in it yourself you can get a lot of value. As a business consultant who writes books myself, I still think that there are things one can gain from working with a consultant that are not written in books. On the other hand, many times I feel in my consulting "if you had only read my book first, we could have started off at a more advanced point."

I feel that the same goes for personal self-help type books. There are lots of experts who share all their best techniques and illustrations in carefully crafted books. It takes a huge amount of effort to write a good book, so why not take advantage of this great source of learning that can be had relatively cheaply.

I read The Normal One first and it was really helpful to me to get validation that some of my rawer emotions were completely normal. It also helped me identify feelings that were partially-buried or ill-defined, and bring them into greater clarity for myself. However, I have to say that the book left me a bit frustrated, because it didn't have a lot of positive steps I could take to help myself heal.

That's where Being the Other One really shone. It's a much more positive and practical book. It is not as emotional in tone as The Normal One, but after reading one book of that type I was ready for something different. The part of Being the Other One that I liked the most was the chapter on how to heal yourself as an adult to address the impact that being the sibling of a special needs child has been. The book also has a section for parents of special needs children with siblings, which I hope that many parents in that situation will read.

Taken together, the two books were a good combination for me. The Normal One helped dredge up buried emotions, then The Normal One gave me an idea of what to do about them.

Here's how I used the books:
1. While reading, I underlined or put a star by each section that resonated for me. I then journaled about my own feelings relating to those.
2. In Being the Other One, on pages 108 and 109 there is a list of questions to think about, in order to reflect on your experience. I journaled about each of these.

After doing that, and talking with my coach about some of the things that came up, I was able to work through this issue for myself. Now I feel like I am done with it, that there is not so much energy attached to it anymore. And now I'm ready to give the books away, to an old friend who also had a special needs sibling.

This was an extremely useful process, and I encourage other fibroid fighters to identify emotional issues and work on them as part of your healing process.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this info - I have only sibling and she has schizophrenia -
I am the "other one too" -
In the past 2 years this fibroid has brown 7 cm -
I'm doing all I can nutrionally and am ready to work on the emotional issues that are still with me -
I have been having trouble emotionally letting go of 19 year old daughter - I meditated and got the words, "you birthed your daughter and did a great job, now I want you to birth your book" (I am just starting to come into my own creatively) I have heard fibroids can also be related to repressed creativity -
Thank you so much for your website.


Fibroid Shrinker said...

Thanks so much for commenting. Good for you for tackling the emotional issues. And how great that you are going to work on a book. In my work life I'm an author, and I have to say it's really satisfying to have produced something concrete that is useful for others, so good luck on that endeavor and on shrinking your fibroid! (I have heard too that fibroids are energetically related to creativity issues...)