Sunday, December 27, 2009

letter to Walter Makichen

The following is a letter that I sent today to Walter Makichen, author of the book Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You're Meant to Have

Dear Walter,

We spoke last spring and you were incredibly helpful. However, I feel like I’ve gotten as far as I can on my own and I really need your help again.

Let me tell you what’s going on. When I spoke to you this spring, I was about to go to the first visit with the IVF doctor. You told me that a spirit baby was with me, right at the pre-conception position in front of my stomach. You told me about how this spirit baby is very scared to be born due to the disappointments she faced in her past life, and gave me some exercises to do to make my energy more calming and welcoming.

The next day when I went to the IVF doctor, I had a huge shock in that he determined that my fibroids had been misdiagnosed, and were much larger than my two prior gynecologists had thought. He said that my antral follicle count was good, but that I had to have my fibroids out. An MRI then confirmed the size of my fibroids, and a visit with a surgeon told me that I would need to have major surgery to remove them as they were too large for the minimally invasive kind.
The doctors all talked about the surgery like it was no big deal, but reading about it, in addition to all the usual risks of a major surgery, it’s not at all a sure thing that your uterus will necessarily be in good shape to have a baby afterwards. Plus you need to wait a long time after the surgery to be able to try conceiving. And on top of that, the IVF doctor said that due to a genetic clotting disorder I have that was discovered this spring, if I were to get pregnant I would have to take a heavy duty blood thinner throughout the entire pregnancy. I mentioned this to a nurse friend and her face went white, and she confirmed my fears that on such a blood thinner, if I were to be hit by a car I would bleed to death before the paramedics could get there.
Putting that all together, it just all seemed too much and like too much a risk to my health. So we decided to work with a gestational surrogate, as offering the best chance to have a baby with my own eggs.
So we did a round of IVF and froze some embryos in June, and spent the next several months finding a surrogate and getting all that set up (a ton of work….) Then this month we did another round of ovarian stimulation to get more eggs, and an embryo transfer to the surrogate. The embryos grew really well so we were very hopeful, but unfortunately we were not successful, and just found this out a couple of days ago.
To be honest, it wasn’t a surprise. All along I’ve been doing various meditation and visualization things (the ones you suggested in the spring, and some others I came up with on my own based on reading your book) to connect with the baby, and intensified them after the egg retrieval, and through the embryo transfer and after. I had really good feelings and I really felt things were going to work, I could just tell.
Then, five days after the embryo transfer suddenly I felt like the baby was not happy. I tried encouraging him/her, and spent some extra time reading to him (I’ve bought some children’s books focused on the themes of love, kisses, and hugs that I read to the baby, as one of my techniques). But this really didn’t seem to work and I didn’t know what else to do, I just knew that the baby was not happy and I didn’t know why.
One or two days after that, when I tried to connect with the baby I distinctly heard the words “not yet.” So I wasn’t surprised when soon after that I found out that our surrogate was not pregnant.

I really feel like I need some different tools, that if only I could have figured out why the baby was not happy that day, that maybe things would have gone better. Which is why I’m getting in touch with you now.

Based on what you told me about this baby being scared, and also what you told me about the baby being so clingy to me, one thing that occurs to me is that the whole gestational surrogate thing is going to be weird and difficult for the baby. Especially since we were not able to find a surrogate who lives nearby, she lives in another state. Surrogacy is something that isn’t covered in your book, and I’m wondering what thoughts you might have to help with that.
I know that you don’t make appointments by email, but over the last six months I’ve called your appointment number several times and nobody has ever called me back. I was thinking that maybe this was a sign that I needed to persevere on my own with what you told me in the Spring, and I’ve been doing that all this time but now I’m at the point where I know that I really need your help again. I desperately need some new tools and some input on all these developments. Also somehow I don’t feel as motivated anymore to do the breathing exercises you gave me, they don’t seem to be helping as much as they did originally, I feel like perhaps I’ve internalized the energy shift they were supposed to help with and I need the next level harder ones or something.

It was so helpful talking to you this spring, keeping what you told me in mind was a huge help in dealing with the shock of the new diagnosis and having to completely shift gears, and I know that if we could talk again it would be incredibly helpful for me right now. I’ll keep calling the phone line, more often this time, but if there is something you could do to help ensure that someone calls me it would be so much appreciated!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, and thank you again for all your help this spring.


20 comments:

Phoebe said...

Wow, I could have written this post myself, or something similar to it. I have had two readings with Walter. Both times, I had to call and e-mail multiple times before his wife, Mary Frances called me back. I think she makes all the appointments. Try e-mailing her at their "info" e-mail address. I doubt Walter is going to read your long letter. Try a combination of e-mailing and calling once a week. Sometimes, they have other stuff going on and can't get to you right away, but six months is a long time! I'm glad to know someone else communicates with their spirit baby.

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Thanks so much Phoebe.
It makes me feel better that it's not just me who has trouble making an appointment (I was starting to take it personally).
Actually the info email address is the one I sent this letter to, so perhaps Mary Frances will read it? Oh well, whether or not she or he read it, it made me feel better to write it, and it's a way to let my blog readers know what's going on.
I will take your advice and call more frequently!
I just wish I could get better at communicating with my spirit baby and figuring out what will make him/her happy and ready to join us here in the physical world!

Yoga Classes in Charlotte NC said...

I think I should also write come up with a letter for Chinua Achebe, and give my opinion on his writings.

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Sounds like a great idea!

By the way, Mary Frances wrote me back today. They have switched to a new voice mail provider, evidently the old one was not very reliable which could explain the difficulty reaching them in the past.

Olive Tree Guitar Ensemble said...

Hi, it's a very great blog.
I could tell how much efforts you've taken on it.
Keep doing!

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Thanks so much! I appreciate it!

Phoebe said...

Well that's great you got a reply! Did you make your appointment?

I too wish I was better at communicating with my spirit baby. I get messages, but they are pretty vague, and I've been known to misinterpret them. It's so hard to be a parent to a spirit! I wish I also could figure out what would make my spirit baby comfortable enough to come into the world.

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Yes, talking to him on Feb 9th.
Indeed this spirit baby stuff is pretty tricky, wishing you the best of luck with your communication!
I'll write a new post about the books I read to my baby, maybe those would help you too?

Ginae said...

wow! i actually thought i was the only one who believed in this kind of stuff. glad to find some kindred souls out there..this post made me cry. once some years ago i "felt" the energy and spirit of my two kids. i've been told many times that i'm going to have two kids but it's been years and nothing has happened..however maybe it could do with the fact that i don't even have a boyfriend at the moment! ha! lol..anyway, i'm getting older and getting concerned that i'll never have kids.

someone once told me they saw my two kids (a boy and a girl) but wasn't sure they came from my womb.

I'm not interested in adoption really and desire so much to have my own biological kids. i prayed for confirmation on if they were actually "mine" and got confirmation through a dream.

Again, this was some years ago so now that doubt is coming in that maybe I misinterpreted things. I don't know..it's so discouraging at times to not really know what's going on.

It's great though to read your blog and read these types of post.

Thank you for sharing.

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Thanks so much Gina. Actually I didn't know that I believed in this kind of thing (I am a no-nonsense MBA type). However I bought Walter's book without knowing what it was about and when I was reading it I got really upset at one passage (talking about a situation where a past life trauma made the baby spirit reluctant to be born again) and was convinced that there was something similar going on with me. I just had such a visceral reaction to it and started crying. So I knew something was up.

Your situation sounds like me a few years ago. First things first, hope you find the boyfriend. I was on a quest for years until I found my guy (seems I am always on a quest for something...) I highly recommend the book Calling in the One (http://bit.ly/5LGtyA), I read every dating book there is, and it was the best. Actually I wrote a post about it on this blog: http://shrinkingfibroids.blogspot.com/2008/01/ignore-title-of-this-book.html Wishing you the best of luck in your quest!

Ginae said...

your reaction to the book definetely sounds like your intuition was kicking so so i'm glad you followed your gut and read the book. this is so interested what the walter guy had to tell you. please write more about this if anything more happens.

also, thank you for the book recommendation. i will definetely read it.

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Yes, it was intuition indeed! Will definitely keep everyone posted on what Walter tells me when I talk to him next, and hope you enjoy the book and it's helpful for you.
Also just Friday I saw a friend who had used the book How to Marry a Mensch http://bit.ly/7kaX1K and recently met a fabulous guy she is really excited about. I haven't read it but from what she told me it sounded really helpful.

Anonymous said...

I'd found your original post about your reading with Makichen while doing a search on him last month and had just back come to your blog to see whether there was an e-mail contact for you to ask how you felt about that experience in retrospect, several months out. And there's this post--wonderful. (I'm pretty skeptical, but something about his book is hitting an inner something with me right now. But I'm also not sure whether things just look so bleak that I'll try anything to give myself a bit of hope.) I'll definitely be following along to see how your reading goes with him and how you feel about the whole of working with him, especially with the difficulties you've faced with fertility.

And I do hope you connect with that little one soon and again and again until s/he is in your arms. Reading books to the s.b. seems like such a lovely idea.

-Christy

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Hi Christy,
Thanks for your note.
For myself, working with Walter has been very helpful, and hearing from him that I did have a spirit baby there has been a great handrail to grip onto. My husband thinks I am crazy and gullible, but my gut says that Walter is right on target. I am very interested to hear what he says this next time and will definitely blog about it!

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Hello everyone,
I had my consultation with Walter today, and just posted about it. Thought you would like to know!

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know how to reach Walter? email or phone would be great! Thank you!

Fibroid Shrinker said...

You can reach Walter through his site, http://waltermakichen.com/

Tatiana Escalada said...

I know someone who was a Walter Makichen student, she's amazing, she created an energetic fertility method inspired by him, this is the video tribute she did about him and his wonderful work https://youtu.be/FT_qrAEeSsg

Fibroid Shrinker said...

Tatiana, thanks so much for sharing!

Unknown said...

Dear Tatiana, please if you can let me know hercontact. My email:mshibalova@att.net